This year there has been much turmoil and disruption but there are still many things to be thankful for. So in the spirit of Thanksgiving here’s my list.
My husband is at the top. He’s my rock and an amazing provider. Hardworking, kind, and patient I’m very thankful that he’s in my life.
My children bring joy and adventure to everyday. The endless questions and motion can be tiresome but reflecting on each day I learn more from them then they will ever learn from me.
Family and friends who are always there even if we don’t talk on a regular basis. Having such a great support group who would do anything and I would do anything for.
Being human and having the ability to make mistakes and learn from them. Everyday is a chance to experiment, fail, and expand.
The list may seem short and there are many more things that I’m thankful for but these are the big ones. Take time to be thankful this Holiday season and don’t forget your blessings in the coming year.
My daughter recently sprung on me a question that was difficult to answer. In part because I’m a very suspicious person and was wondering where the question came from and how my answer would be used against me but also because I haven’t really thought about it. She asked, “What is your definition of love? What is the first thing that you think of when you hear the word?”
Like I said, my first thought was not how to answer the question but why was she asking it. Does she think she’s in love? What recent conversations would have her questioning my ability to love? Is she not feeling loved? Am I a horrible mother? Then came: If I answer this wrong will she forever base her definition of love off of mine and have messed up relationships from this point forward? How can my answer be used against me later during some very messed up teenage/parent argument? If you haven’t noticed yet I tend to overthink things a bit.
After a very long pause on my end she says, “Mom you’re making this harder than it is. Just tell me the first thing that you think of.”
Here is the answer that she got.
I think of you and your brother and you dad. With your dad, I’ve always liked your dad, but the love I feel for him has grown and changed a bit over time. It started exciting and new and has evolved into comfort. He’s like a worn pair of jeans that I go to when I need to feel good. He’s my constant and my contentment. With you kids it was an instant ache in my chest from the first time I heard your hearts beat. Love for you guys is so powerful that it hurts and is always there every time I look at you. It is also something that you won’t experience until you have children yourself. The love I feel for you and your brother is something that can never go away. No action on your parts will ever make me love you less. This is hard because when you do things that I don’t like my reaction may make it seem like I don’t love you. Know from now on that even when it doesn’t seem like it, my every action is done with love for you.
The look on her face after hearing my explanation of my love for her confirmed my fear that she doubted my love for her. We say the words every day, multiple times a day, but do we really show it? I’ll have to make a point to show it more often.
Some of the things that I would like to add to our conversation; Love is different than like. Love doesn’t go away even after you are hurt. When you like a person you can love moments with them but the love doesn’t penetrate through the whole relationship. People you like can leave your life, and you still have feelings that hang on certain moments with them, but you don’t really love the person. When someone you love leaves your life that love stays with you forever, and with that love that person is always there.
When you love someone let them know, not just in words but also with your actions, never just assume that they can feel the pressure squeezing your heart every time you look at them.
So, lots of emotional stuff out there that I could be posting about but I’m going to avoid those subjects for the time being. Most of my writing lately has centered on things that I’d rather not share so you are stuck with a boring update for now.
On the garden front there is not much to report other than the fact that weeds are growing in November. Hopefully the next few days of cooler weather will take care of that problem. I’ve been doing some research on weed management and companion crops for the coming year and have most of the garden plotted out in my handy notebook. Hopefully next year I’ll be able to better manage the space that I’ve got and with the additional space be able to provide for approximately 20 full share CSA members as well as the farmers market and of course my own freezer and canning room. Those of you that mentioned coming to help pull weeds next summer may want to change your phone numbers soon. I may be taking you up on it.
At home things have finally fallen into as close to a routine as we will ever manage. Our time revolving around school, work, and trips to the farm to do chores, and even though I try to avoid it, I’ve found time to clean up the house.
After finally getting the kids rooms cleaned out I’m dreading Christmas. Every time I go to the store I find myself wandering around looking for gift inspiration that never comes. My inner Grinch has taken over and I envision a Christmas with no tree, no presents, and no laughter. Me sitting in a corner with an evil grin enjoying the lack of busyness that tends to rule this time of year. Then I think of the lack of nummy food that accompanies the craziness and change my mind. Gift inspiration will eventually strike and I’ll be complaining about messy rooms again by January.
My to do list for this time includes; getting into the holiday spirit, finalizing my CSA contract for next year, putting together some recipes and tips for CSA drop offs, doing some writing that I feel comfortable posting, and beating the kids at Rummikub which is the game of choice lately.
Hope everyone has a great day!